After saying goodbye to Andrew and Bec yesterday I got pretty sad. Not “tearful never see you again” sad (I will see them again in summer), but “now I am all alone” sad. It got me thinking about comforts. Why do I crave the comfort of having other humans near, when at home in my comfort zone I couldn’t be bothered to hang out with my friends. I suppose its always been this way for everyone. We like to do uncomfortable things together like traveling in an unfamiliar place. If a friend is with you, you’re in it together and somehow this makes us feel better.
I found out some things about myself the last few days. Mind you, I always knew this but I am forced to be this person. I can do anything I want. I can drive a car on the opposite side of the road downtown Wellington all by myself just as well as if someone was beside me. It may be easier when Andrew is telling me that I am in the wrong lane, but it doesn’t mean I won’t figure it out on my own. I actually learn faster on my own. I drove Terri (my new car) onto a Ferry boat all alone! It’s not often you do things for the first time but it can be the simple things that make me proud of myself.
I can find a place to sleep and make dinner all alone. I do this all the time at home but never on the other side of the World. I found out that I feel more comfortable when I am listening to podcasts or music. Hearing another person’s voice comforts me when I’m all alone.
I went to a cafe and watched a movie on their wifi last night (don’t think I was in their popular customer book!). I should have been doing work but I needed some comfort. I felt so good after. I have no clue why but that empty lonely gut feeling evaporated and I felt okay again, the sadness left me. I guess movies are something in my routined life that I was missing. It seems dumb really. Why should mindless TV comfort me? I feel like hiking would do the same thing. In Wellington while waiting to board the Ferry, there are no local walks. Now that I’m headed south I feel like I will find my comfort on the Trail, hiking is my comfort zone. I didn’t come here to watch TV or be comfortable but I think it’s important to find your comforts so that you still enjoy yourself. We find a routine. We escape a routine life to build a new routine and it becomes our new comfort.
I feel good now, I feel like I can do this on my own and I will discover myself more. It’s important to measure yourself in life, see what you are capable of. It often turns out to be more than you’d expect. I feel like I am closer to the person I want to be. I can’t explain to you who she is, it’s just how she is. My next step is to be more outgoing and meet friends, another uncomfortable necessary step on this adventure. Being alone for the next two weeks I’d better!
Till next time,